Lots of people out there work hard at their job to take home some big sacks of $ bill bags so they can buy all kinds of ridiculous crud to put in their home. Then when they realize they have too much ridiculous crud it's either time to have a yard sale or it's time to get a bigger house. Lots of people want to get their dream house. But the thing is, these dweebers don't realize that the dream isn't real and most of the time a dream house isn't even totally possible because of the physics we have learned so far in life have told us so. But I went around my hood asking people what sorts of things they would want to have for a dream house and here's what they came up with.
“I'd want my dream house to be green and run on solar panels. This way I can make my carbon footprint microscopic and allow children of future generations to have as beautiful a planet to live in as I once did.” - Abbey A.
“I would want my dream house to have 100 bathrooms. How tired are you of going to use a bathroom when some goon has gone and stunk it all up without even lighting a match. Now I only have to use each bathroom once a month.” -Bobby B.
“My kitchen needs to be so big that you could literally walk a cow in there, chop it up, cook it and serve it all by dinner time.” -Craig C.
“TVs. So many TVs. I don't want wallpaper, just TVs. I want every video game system possible and I want to make it so everyone has to play them, even if they don't want to.” -Danny D.
Ya so that's about enough of that. First of all, all those ideas are pretty obvious and pretty stupid. Green house? What's so dreamy about that anyway? Go get yourself a can of green paint and a paintbrush and you'll have a green house in a jiffy. Solar panels? What's the point when you have electrical sockets in the wall that do the same thing. 100 bathrooms? Maybe if you had a big party and every person you ever knew was invited, and they all had to go at exactly the same time, then maybe I could see needing that many. Why would need that big of a kitchen. Who kills their own cows anyway? Just get the butcher to do it or go to a stupid meat store. TVs are actually pretty cool, but I think I'd only want to have a big one for every room in the house. So guys, If you're gonna do a dream house make it impossible to make because that's the point of a dream. If your dreams came true why would you even want to live anymore?
This is my dream house: First off, it would be floating in the air above all the other houses. Above even Mount Everest. That's one high house. Secondly it would have no doors at all because the walls would be completely walkthroughable. This way you wouldn't need stupid handles or locks or anything. Oh what's that? How do you stop bad guys from coming in and stealing all your junk? That's easy. The walls would be equipped with DNA scanning devices. You'd have a list of all the people you knew and trusted and would want to come to your house. And if anyone ever tried to get in that wasn't supposed to they would just get electrocuted and die. All I can say is, don't forget to add your grandma to the list because you don't want to go killing your grandma, because that's like 7 years of bad luck I think. Things like that won't get you into heaven, that's for sure. Plus, no more checks for $15 on your birthday and Christmas.
My bedroom would be a cool room. It would have zero gravity, that way I wouldn't need a bed and I could just float around and sleep all I wanted to anywhere I wanted to without any back pain. Why pay like $1000 for a memory foam bed? Also for warmth and light I'd just have a miniature sun, made up of the same junk as the real sun, just on a much smaller scale. It would keep me toasty and let me read and stuff. But how am I gonna sleep in the light? Easy. I'd just put it in the closet at night, you nincompoop. I suppose I should get a mini moon too, huh. That way I have something to put out at night.
The bathroom would definitely be something special. It would be self cleaning. It would be like taking a crap in a dishwasher, it just cleans it up nice and easy. It would have some kind of heat sensors in the there so it would know not to turn on when people are inside it. Without the sensors it would be like third degree burn central. You'd have to go to one of those special burn units where people don't have faces or ears or noses or anything anymore because they all got burnt off. That stuff is sad, I don't wish that on anyone. We all need a face! What's a guy or girl without a face? Basically you're just a tree in a woods full of trees that you can't really tell apart. Expect not really because it would be the tree with all the burnt stuff on it. Anyhoot, I'd have a hole in the wall you stick your head in and it washes your face, ears, nose, beard and mouth for you, without even thinking about it. I guess you'd want a bidet too, those things are the greatest invention in the modern world. Oh ya and I'd also have an anti-gravity bath. I can't really explain what it is, but you get what I mean probably.
And now the greatest part of my house would be my floating football field. I don't even play football but someone does, and if they come over I want them to feel at home with a cruddin' football field. Maybe if my house is famous enough it could even host the Superbowl, which is coming up soon by the way. The seats on the football field would be invisible. People in the front row would be in the highest seats. Then the seats would just get closer to the ground as you went farther back.
So guys, that's a dream house in case you were wondering. I challenge you all the make that dream house. If you make it, I'll personally make it worth your wild. I will do your chores for a week or something really good. Maybe give you like a hundred bucks or whatever, you know, something you could really use. I would probably also be your best friend, I mean, if you're in to that sort of thing. Well dudes, Good Morning!
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