What was the point of me getting into the wagon with the mice?

It's that time of the month for me. Yard work time. I've got a buttload of outside things to do, so I'll be too busy to write in this blog today. Lucky for me I've got this “networking thing” down pat, and keep in touch with my old teachers from high school. I had this bozo, Vernon Stendle as a science teacher. The guy was pretty cool besides the fact he was a science teacher. This guy told us how he went to Woodstock and tried all the drugs we could possibly imagine, and let us know that he was glad he did. He said he was glad because he would be able to tell everyone that he'd tried them all, and that they were nothing that you should ever really bother with trying because they're a waste of time and money. But anyhoot, this guy promised he'd write something cool and not anything too sciencey. Here he is ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Stendle.

I know I told this kid I wouldn't write anything too sciencey, but what can I say, I'm a science teacher. I pretty much live science. You're just gonna have to deal with a little science today, sorry kids. For this science experiment you will need: 3 mice, a wagon, a drill, Tupperware, a radish and a submarine. Now, you should all be able the find around the house so take a minute and gather them up.

Oh man, you totally just looked for a submarine in your house. You nutso, what they heck are you thinking? Isn't this guy great.

Okay so do you guys have everything? What, no submarine? That's okay I was just kidding about that, you aren't going to need a submarine. Maybe a submarine sandwich because this is kind of a long experiment and you might get hungry, but as far as submarines that go underwater are concerned, you should be all set.

First things first, get your wagon. Now, if it's a little bit rusty, if it's a radio flyer, no worries. Just get that sucker and put it in the middle of a yard. Now get in it, just to check that hunk of junk's stability level. If it holds you up, you're as golden as a sunshine ray on a Sunday afternoon. Now take your mice and put em in the wagon with you. Now get the heck out of the wagon and watch the mice. Now that's some science right there. Real Mr. Wizard stuff. Get your Tupperware out and drill some holes in the lid with the drill you've got. Just don't drill holes in the mice because they really don't like it. I mean, a piercing is fine on a person, but what if the piercing took up 1/10^th of your entire body. I mean, we're talking straight up bleeding to death everyday from that piercing. No way, not for me. Now pick up all the mice and put em inside the Tupperware. Okay, calm down buddy, it has holes in it, they're gonna be able to breathe just fine.

Now you have the final and most important part. The radish. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking “how can a radish possibly be so important?” Well it is, and I'm gonna tell you why. You gotta slice that radish up. Like, sliced and diced real tiny. Now you're like “with what? you never said we needed a knife.” Just go get one from inside your mom's kitchen you knucklehead. Once that baby's (not an actual baby. The radish) all sliced and diced shove it in the holes. Now just watch those mice go. They go nuts for radishes. Now just sit and watch and whichever one lives the longest wins.

Ya that's kind of a morbid science experiment, I know. I know those PETA people will be knockin' on your door any minute now if you're not careful about it. You can't just go tellin' everyone that you're doing this experiment. You have to keep it a secret. But here's the greatest part. This isn't a science experiment. It's just something to do if your bored. So haha! I tricked you into thinking it was science but it's not. See, Mr. Stendle always keeps his word. I told him I wouldn't get too sciencey, and I didn't, so have fun kids and don't tell anyone about the experiment, because if you do I'll kill your family. Haha, just kidding I won't kill your family. That's what we call a joke in the science world.

So that's probably going to be the last time I let Vernon Stendle write in this thing. That guy has one twisted outlook on life. I'm actually kind of glad that I interviewed him in the first place because if I hadn't I would have never known how nutso he is. Maybe someday when I had kids I would have even lent my kids to him or had him babysit them, or whatever they call it. But not anymore, not with those looney thoughts. So guys, please don't do that science experiment thing because it's no good for anyone, especially the mice. Plus you don't want that guy chopping up your family into little bits. Actually he said he was kidding about that so, I wouldn't worry too much. Have a Good Morning!