Right now you're reading the first entry in what might be the best blog ever to grace the net. Many across the world consider Sunday to be extremely important. It is a day of rest for people who have regular Monday thru Friday jobs. If you're lucky like me and work in retail you realize that you will be working this day basically every week for the rest of your life.
I've always noticed that the Sunday person is a fairly laid back person; a late to rise and cheerily hung over dude or lady that is probably talking about some of the wild adventures that they don't really remember from the prior evening. Maybe this is a little judgmental, after all not everyone is a Saturday night boozer, some people actually go to church the way you're told you're supposed to.
Church people can be decent sometimes, but also equally silly at the same time. A Churchy might stop you on your way to checking the Sunday mail (because you work in retail you don't know what day it is, and you drink every night to numb the pain, so mornings are usually fairly foggy) to let you know that there isn't any, and tell you about a magical religious thing that happened to them. Maybe their car broke down and then fixed itself. They say that it must have been their guardian angel watching over them. I say it was probably just the churchy messing up their clutch and stalling out. You can call me pessimistic, but it wouldn't be breaking news to me.
So for the past few weeks we've all been reading and seeing and hearing about this lady Gabrielle who got shot by a big crazy shaved headed looney Jared. I have friends named Jared (and even a relative too!!), but none that could be capable of something as totally crazy whack as that. I guess she's doing better but she was shot in the noggin which means she has some brain diggity-damage, which is not good. Don't forget to brush those teeth, kids. But seriously, I'm just worried that they might make her still do her job even though her head is like kinda blown apart. I wonder how the doctors do stuff to make the blown head thing better. Maybe they use a scalpel and chop some of those bones we don't use as much out and duct tape that to whatever holes are there and just hope the holes close up and the old less usefuller bones grow back or something.
Next thing after they fix up the holes they gotta get that walking back together again. I'd hate to have a bum-leg, (not a leg that's a bum, but a not-working leg, a leg on strike holding a picket sign) but imagine what it would be like to have a bum-side. Maybe they can come up with a sorta robot thing that fits the half of your body that sucks. Once you get that thing goin' on you could seriously kick some ass. The bum side might actually be betterized because of the superior robostrength you just got. RoboGabby (I hope she's okay with me calling her Gabby) would be an unstoppable force as a RoboRep. Nobody would dare shoot at her again because she'd have guns built into that side that was shot at, so now she could shoot back before you even knew it, maybe even with lasers.
How about that big crazy shaved headed looney Jared though, really. Have you gotten a chance to see the pictures of this guy. Like a normal person with half a brain could see he was a gigantic nutso. In my opinion this kid needs some hair and fast. Like yesterday. Get a wig on that thing, son. You should also make sure you find the numbumskull that sold this guy a gun and ammo. Like look at his head seriously. The head alone should have made the background check alarms blow up so loud.
Now his old friends have been talking to the news. They've been getting all the 15 minutes of fame that you could possibly shake a stick at. And they all always say “We never thought he was capable of something like this.” But I'm pretty sure all us regular people know that this is just what they say so that they don't look like a jerkface for not turning him in to the police before he did anything wrong. I think President George W. Bush made a law allowing cops to arrest people for crimes they never committed. And if that's not a real law it definitely should be. Guns will kill you if you don't watch out. So go out and get a gun for everyone in your family to protect themselfs just incase. Get em a cell phone too, so they can call someone if they shoot someone. Good Morning!
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